


all we do (is chase the day)

by freckleder



Series: Tsukkiyama Month 2017 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, TsukkiYama Month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 18:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12894594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckleder/pseuds/freckleder
Summary: In which Tadashi is hopelessly in love with his best friend Tsukki and convinced that he won't reciprocate his feelings. He doesn't want to ruin their friendship by confessing, so Suga offers to arrange a blind date for him, to see if he might be able to move on.





	all we do (is chase the day)

**Author's Note:**

> Week 3 - Space/Astronomy
> 
> I'm super late with this one but let's pretend it's still November;; I'm not giving up on this even though I'm behind, another fic for the last week is already in the making, so I hope you'll enjoy this one. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ Oh Wonder - All We Do](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyyJF_rbaqg)

„I just don’t know what to do,“ Tadashi complained. He was lounging on Suga’s couch, hugging one of the cushions, while he watched him punching holes into some university materials and putting them into files.

Suga thought about it for a moment. “Are you sure you can’t talk to Tsukishima about it? Maybe you can hint something.”

Tadashi groaned. “If he had picked up on those hints I wouldn’t be here. We never really talk about love and crushes and stuff. I don’t want to bring it up and Tsukki never talks to me about it on his own.”

Tadashi was hopelessly in love with his best friend. It had started out with mixed feelings that he couldn’t pinpoint, whenever a girl asked him about Tsukki, but quickly turned out to be major crush – and he wasn’t referring to the girls. Tadashi had hoped to get over it eventually, but they were in their second year of university and nothing had changed. He didn’t dare confront Tsukki about it. As long as he didn’t have a confirmation that Tsukki was feeling the same way he did, Tadashi wouldn’t risk their friendship for it.

“Hmm. I’d either tell him about my feelings or move on, otherwise you’re trapped in this constant state of _‘what if’_ and nothing’s going to change,” Suga said. “But I know that that’s easier said than done.”

Tadashi nodded. He knew that if he wanted his situation to change, he had to do something about it, but he didn’t like any of his options.

“Do you want some more tea?” Suga glanced at his empty cup.

“Yeah, sure.”

Suga left for the kitchen. Tadashi squeezed the pillow in his arms. Why was this so hard? He was unhappy by not making a choice, but making one would be even harder. Tadashi sighed. Suga was one of the few people that knew about it. A special level of trust had developed between them since Tadashi had become captain of the volleyball team. Suga had given him advice and had lend him an ear.

“You know what?” Suga asked while he came back from the kitchen. He was holding two cups of steaming hot tea. “I think I have an idea.”

Tadashi jumped up to take the tea from his hands but Suga was faster and already put them down on the small table in front of the couch.

“You have an idea?”

Suga grinned. “Yes! How about I set you up on a date? You can get out there, get to know someone, talk to them, and see how you feel about it. You don’t _have_ to meet up with them again.”

Tadashi thought about it. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. He doubted that he could fall in love with someone on the spot, but it could help him forget Tsukki. Forget his hopeless situation. And if it couldn’t, then at least he tried. “Alright, I’ll give it a go.”

“You don’t sound as convinced as I hoped you would be but trust me. I know just the right guy for you,” Suga said with a smile, obviously trying to hide his excitement. “I’ll message you the time and the place for the meeting, which days are you free next week?”

Tadashi checked his calendar and passed the dates on to Suga. They were really doing this. Tadashi swallowed hard.

 

* * *

 

It only dawned on him to what he had agreed to, when Tadashi was on his way to the meeting spot. He hadn’t been on many dates. Usually they had happened when he thought he was meeting someone for _just coffee_ , but it had turned out to be a – hence very awkward – coffee date. _You got this, Tadashi_ , he tried to encourage himself. _If you don’t like it, you can always leave._ It wasn’t like he had signed a contract that obligated him to stay for a certain amount of time.

He hadn’t been sure what to wear on the date, so he went with casual clothes, something he’d wear to university. And the new shirt he had bought just days ago, he couldn’t help wanting to feel a bit fancier than usual.

Tadashi was a few minutes early, so he could mentally prepare himself and get the tickets. Suga had picked the place “ _because it fits the two of you nicely and cafés are boring_ ” so he found himself in the line of the local planetarium. Tadashi was actually looking forward to it. Even if the date didn’t work out, he will have seen close-ups of the Moon, the terrain on Mars and hopefully even the newest shots of Pluto.

He paid for two adult tickets and put them in his pocket. When he had asked Suga how he’d recognize his date, he said that he was going to wear a black coat. Suga had brushed off his concern that a black coat wasn’t very uncommon and two people might wear it because ‘he’d know who his date was once he saw him’. Tadashi didn’t know how to interpret that but there was nothing to do but checking his surroundings. It was cold, fall was nearing an end, and the clouds were heavy in the sky.

It was three minutes before the actual date time. Tadashi’s eyes caught the familiar blond hair and glasses, before they even saw the black coat. His heart dropped into his stomach. A second later their eyes met, and Tsukishima Kei was staring right back at him.

Tadashi was cursing Suga in his mind. Would he be able to get away with saying that it was a coincidence? A lot of thoughts and emotions were rushing through his mind. Suga probably thought he was doing him a favour and would wait for his message afterwards with a smirk.

“Red sneakers, huh?” Tsukishima said when he had walked up to him. It’s the identification object he had given Suga to pass on to the other person.

Tadashi nodded and tried to put on his best smile. “I guess we got matched up by accident. You didn’t tell me you had a date today. Maybe we could’ve avoided this.”

Tsukishima raised one eyebrow. “You didn’t tell me that you were going on a date either, so it’s just as much your fault as it’s mine.”

 _Actually it’s all Suga’s fault,_ Tadashi argued in his mind. Of course he didn’t say that out loud, for Tsukishima this had all been a random blind date.

“I guess there’s no point in visiting the planetarium now, but let’s go and get coffee while we’re already here,” Tsukishima said and turned around in search for the nearest café.

The cards for the planetarium were heavy in Tadashi’s pocket. He wasn’t the type to do something reckless, but if there was a moment to take a risk, it was now. “I already bought two tickets for the next show. They’re only valid today.”

“Oh.” Tsukishima looked at him and the cards in his right hand. “It’d be a waste to not use them, so let’s have a look. It might be fun after all.”

That was fast. Tadashi had assumed that Tsukishima would suggest selling them to some of the people that were still waiting in line. Maybe he had been looking forward to the planetarium?

“Great, then let’s go,” Tadashi smiled. “The show is going to start in fifteen minutes, so we can already look for our seats.”

There were only a handful of people in the showroom. It didn’t take them long to find their seats, the ones next to them were empty.

Tadashi wanted to send Suga a reproachful message but the light in the room was dimmed, so Tsukishima might be able to read what he was typing. Cold light was dyeing the room in a blue colour, but the big screen in front and above them wasn’t switched on yet. Tadashi only noticed at second glance that the carpeted floor had constellations printed on it, and the stars were illuminated by little lamps that hid beneath them. A soft white noise was playing through the speakers. If Tadashi would’ve closed his eyes, he would’ve bet that he was on an airplane, soaring through the clouds and skies.

Instead he shuffled his feet over the carpet to remind himself that he was very much here, on the ground, sitting in a well cushioned chair, next to Tsukishima.

“So this is what you do on Friday evenings when I’m calling you and you don’t pick up,” Tsukishima said while he settled down in his chair.

Tadashi bit his lips, although he knew that Tsukishima was just teasing. “I don’t. I just often fall asleep in front of the TV,” Tadashi gently elbowed him in his side. “You never told me that you go on blind dates, why haven’t I heard of this before?”

Tsukishima shrugged, but he kept his gaze on the black screen in front of them. “I haven’t really gotten to know anyone that I wanted to meet more often, so there’s nothing really to say.”

“I see.” Tadashi was thankful for the dim lighting because in case Tsukishima would turn to his right, he wouldn’t be able to see his face properly. He had gone on dates multiple times and never bothered to tell Tadashi. The way he said it so casually hurt the most. Tadashi had to picture it in his mind. Tsukishima, on a coffee date with someone else, holding hands, joking around together. Would they be holding hands right now if he were another person? He wanted to go home.

“What about you? You’ve never told me about any of your dates before?” Tsukishima said with raised eyebrows. “You’re even wearing a new shirt, I’ve never seen that one before.”

“Yeah, it’s new. I got it when I went shopping with Yachi the other day.” Tadashi wasn’t sure how to reply to the questions. He didn’t want to lie, but this was also not the time for complete honesty. Yet. “I was convinced by a friend, I don’t often go on dates. I’m not like you, of course I’d have told you about them.” It wasn’t difficult to joke around with Tsukishima, like they always did, it was something that had become natural to him.

Tsukishima left that last hit at him uncommented but he gave Tadashi a look. “What convinced you to go on one this time? I didn’t think that you were up for blind dates.”

Tadashi sighed. He wasn’t, that was the problem. “I wanted to figure something out, about me, about someone else that’s been on my mind a lot…But I guess it wasn’t supposed to happen today.” He laughed but Tsukishima didn’t.

“I see. From experience I can tell you that they like to linger in your mind, especially during these moments. It’s not that easy.”

“Sounds more like it’s the worst.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

They both gave each other a knowing look and smiled. Tsukishima was in the same boat as him, which gave him at least some sort of comfort.

“I feel a bit better now. Why have we never talked about this before?” Tsukishima asked.

Tadashi shrugged. “Good question, but at least we did now.” Tadashi knew that he never started talking about crushes, but why Tsukishima never started talking about it even though they usually shared everything, was still a mystery to him.

Tsukishima fidgeted around in his seat for a moment before he continued talking. “So…who exactly are you – “

The screen in front of them went on, and a melody was now blasting from the speakers, as the narrator with a deep echoing voice started to talk.

Tadashi knew what Tsukishima had been about to ask, because the same burning question had been coursing through Tadashi’s mind as well. He was thankful for the start of the show, because he wouldn’t know how to answer it. The more he lied, the further he got away from ever having any chances, but he wasn’t sure if there were any anyways. Tadashi was clueless about what to do, so he did the one thing he could. He leaned back in his chair and watched the stars.

The time flew by. Why had it been such a long time since Tadashi had last visited a planetarium? He had forgotten about the goosebumps, when they zoomed out of the solar system, out of the galaxy, as far out as it was possible, and the earth was smaller than a speck of dust among the myriad of galaxies. He heard about the quarters of the moon phase, changing between crescent and gibbous, the properties of the planets in their solar system, and they even played a game of spotting constellations in a starry sky. He didn’t look at Tsukishima during the show, there was still an awkward romantic tinge in the air, so he pretended that he wasn’t there.

They left the sky full of stars up, even after the show was over, so visitors could stay and enjoy the atmosphere a bit longer.

Tadashi glanced at Tsukishima. He was wrapped in a pale light and the stars from the ceiling were reflecting in his eyes. _God, he loved him so much._ Tadashi felt a prickling sensation in his eyes but he quickly blinked the tears away.

“There are only couples left in the seats, we should go,” Tadashi mentioned, before he got up and put his jacket on.

Tsukishima followed his example and soon they had left the planetarium. It was already dark outside, not a single person was in the streets. It was cold. A small cloud of mist escaped Tadashi’s mouth every time he took a breath.

“You can’t see the stars,” Tsukishima commented. He had his head tilted back and stared up in the sky.

“Yeah, the only thing I can spot is an airplane.”

“That’s sad.”

Tadashi nodded. The stars had been more vibrant in the planetarium than in the actual sky. Or maybe they were just too far away. Tadashi imagined the sky open up, and the stars were shining as brightly as they had on the screen of the planetarium. His throat felt tight, like someone was pressing it shut.

“Do you want to go for a drink? We’re going to freeze to death if we just stand around here,” Tsukishima suggested.

“I don’t know. I think I’d rather go home, I’m tired.” The show at the planetarium had pulled Tadashi in, but now the sky was pitch black and the magic was gone.

Tsukishima shrugged. “Alright, then I’ll accompany you to your place and walk to mine from there.”

They only lived a few streets apart, so they spent a lot of time at each other’s places, to a point where they had given each other their spare keys in case of an emergency. Emergencies also included that one time Tadashi had craved pizza at 3am and Tsukishima happened to have one left in his freezer.

“Sounds good,” Tadashi replied.

“The show was pretty good, huh,” Tsukishima mentioned while they were walking down the street.

Tadashi had his arms buried in the pockets of his jacket. “Yeah, I enjoyed it too. What was your favourite part?”

They talked about the show, their voices leaving a trail of mist that vanished right behind them. They were laughing and talking like they hadn’t had the conversation in the planetarium, but Tadashi could tell that Tsukishima wasn’t done with the topic yet. He lingered on a bit longer before he answered Tadashi, always hesitant to change the subject, and he clasped his hands together in front of his body. He always did that when he was feeling restless.

“How’s Akiteru doing, I haven’t seen him in a while?” Tadashi changed the topic. He knew what Tsukishima wanted to talk about, but Tadashi really wanted to postpone that, if possible. They were halfway to his apartment, he could fill that with random questions about other things.

Tsukishima frowned. “He’s doing fine…So, about that person you were talking about in the planetarium…”

So much for Tadashi’s plan. There was an awkward silence in which Tadashi’s mind had to decide whether he should make up a person or tell Tsukishima the truth.

“You don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to, I’m not going to be mad. I just thought…we’ve never talked about that before and maybe you wanted to continue?” Tsukishima looked straight ahead and fidgeted with his glasses. “We could also talk about something else. Did I ever tell you about that rude lady that cut in line at the grocery store?”

Tadashi swallowed hard. He had two topics to pick. One would open the last door that separated them, or one that would close a few more. “I’ve known this person for quite a while. We both have, actually, and I don’t want to make things awkward, so I’m going to leave their name out of the story.”

Tsukishima nodded. They were both looking straight ahead as they got closer to Tadashi’s apartment.

“I don’t think they like me back. That’s fine, I think. Being friends and staying by their side is something that I’ve always done, so I won’t mind the situation staying like this.” Tadashi didn’t have to tell the truth, but he didn’t have to lie either. It was beyond him that Tsukishima couldn’t figure out that he was talking about him, who else was there that that description fit? If he’d be able to read anything into Tadashi’s gestures and expression, then he would’ve figured it out a long time ago already.

Tsukishima bit his lip and he replied. “When you said you’ve known them for a long time, how long is that? Longer than you’ve known me?”

Tadashi couldn’t read his expression this time. It was very stoic, and even the tone of his voice was very even. Tadashi secretly prided himself a bit on being able to tell Tsukishima’s moods apart, but this was new.

“No, I don’t think I’ve known anyone that I’m still in touch with longer than you,” Tadashi smiled at that thought. They were still in touch with the members of their volleyball team in high school – and with some of the other teams as well – but Tadashi didn’t really talk to anyone from his middle school times anymore.

“I see…” Tsukishima said. He was quiet for a moment, before he asked another question. “What makes them so special to you?”

Tadashi didn’t have to think long for an answer. It was something he had gone over and over in his mind. “They make me laugh and take my worries away. I feel at ease when I’m with them. It’s this warm comfort, where you can tell someone balances you out perfectly. In the moment I realized it I thought the universe aligned because everything made sense all of a sudden.” He sighed. If only Tsukishima knew that he was talking about him. “And then again, it’s all just from my point of view.”

Tadashi’s gaze was up in the starless sky. Even though he wasn’t mentioning a specific person, it was a very personal statement and he didn’t want to see Tsukishima’s immediate reaction.

Tsukishima let out a big sigh and stopped under the streetlight. Tadashi’s apartment was just around the corner.

“I know that there’s this person that exists and that you like. I know that.” He stopped for a moment. Tadashi looked at him with big eyes. Was he about to be found out? “I’m sure they’re wonderful, and it sounds like you have a great connection and they’d be ridiculous to turn you down, but…I like you. God, I hope this doesn’t make our friendship awkward, but I had to say it. I was carrying that with me for years.” Tsukishima’s cheeks were red and his eyes were directed on the ground. His voice had gotten smaller and smaller as he had continued to speak. “I’ll get over it, so don’t worry.”

“What?” Tadashi was hit by a wave of emotions as his mind tried to process the words that had just come out of Tsukishima’s mouth. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. A small part in him wanted to scream. For years?

Tsukishima bit his lip. “I’m sorry for dumping this on you all at once. We’re already at your apartment, so I’ll leave now.”

He turned around to walk away, but Tadashi grabbed his arm. “Tsukki! Wasn’t it obvious that I was talking about you this whole time too?” Tadashi said and he heard his own voice crack.

Now it was Tsukishima’s turn to stare. “For real?”

Tadashi nodded, and his face was burning up. “For real.” He was still holding onto Tsukishima’s arm, as he was pulled into a hug. They had hugged before. It hadn’t happened often, but Tadashi hadn’t expected it to feel any different. It wasn’t like any hug he had ever given Tsukishima before. He held him so tight, he could feel the heat of Tsukishima’s cheek pressed against his neck and hear him breathe. His arms rested at the small of Tadashi’s back, holding him as close as possible.

Tadashi buried his face into Tsukishima’s shoulder, because he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and he didn’t want to cry. He realized that he was still holding Tsukishima’s hand, so he let go and wrapped his arms around him.

They didn’t talk, but they didn’t have to. They shared the same relief and comfort and happiness and Tadashi never wanted to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Suga knew that Yamaguchi had a crush on Tsukki, and he figured out that Tsukki was feeling the same way through Kuroo. They didn't want to tell them, because they wanted them to hear it from each and not ruin their moment, so Suga came up with the idea to arrange this blind date.  
> The planetarium in my town got closed down when i was five, so i never went there ( we have an observatory which is amazing though) so there were some very inaccurate planetarium facts in there, i'm sorry ;;


End file.
